The Winter Break Paradox

Picture courtesy of borderfilms  

Muna has been eagerly anticipating the winter break – ever since, like, September.  Projects, essays, exams, waking up early, having to sleep late, struggling in the cold – it was all starting to take it’s toll.  She’s yearned to enjoy a leisurely hearty brunch, instead of the coffee and greasy muffin that’s her usual fare between classes.  For months she’s been dreaming about these weeks when  she could kick back, and revel in the fact that she would have absolutely no responsibilities, nowhere to be, and nothing to do.  She’d stay in her PJ’s all day, a steady stream of warm beverages, maybe an herbal facial mask to clear her pores and the aroma of vanilla scented candles all around.  She’d put up her feet, free to vegetate in the bliss of free time.

 

Nice, yes? 

 

So, where does the paradox come in? 

 

As my mother might say – “there are 2 kinds of women in this world, those who are mothers, and those who are in training.”  Certainly, Muna falls in the latter category.  If you fall in the former category – you know that Muna’s winter break moments are a luxury you dream about, but fully realize you likely won’t get until either:

 

 a) your children have empty nests or

 b) you lay eyes on your castle in paradise ( May Allah SWT grant it to all of us )

 

But that’s not where the paradox comes in.

 

Muna, mothers, and indeed women (maybe men too) everywhere, crave free time and a vacation to a tropical destination, but when it comes to be – when we find ourselves with that which we seek, we start getting antsy.  We feel lazy, and dare I say it, empty.

 

So, Muna loved the Saturday after exams, and the Sunday was good, especially after the bubble soak.  But by Monday, Muna had a strong desire to…start strategizing her new year resolutions. 

 

And mothers can totally relate – when the father takes out the children and they have the whole house for themselves, the ability to relax, the chance to do nothing – but instead, within hours, they’re yearning to do something as well. 

 

We get…well, bored.  The time of nothingness, is something we anticipate, yes, but at the same time, something that we can’t embrace.

 

So what’s that about, you’re wondering? 

 

Maybe it’s that we are ingrained to always be productive, that our activities need to be varied and our time has to be filled with value.

 

Maybe it’s that we don’t like the feeling of nothingness, because we want to avoid the thoughts or feelings that we just don’t want to deal with – grief, sadness, regret, anger.

 

Or, maybe it’s something else.

 

But, I think that no matter what it is – that you must take the time.  It doesn’t have to be 2 weeks, no, that may be too much all at once.  A daily focused 5 minutes (check out Protocol 7 in the book – available REALLY soon inshAllah:)) should do the trick.  It will reconnect you with your best queen of Sheba self;  it’ll become a time of authentic joy. 

 

You need to take this time so that you aren’t:

 

Doing “everything” without accomplishing anything. ( Have you ever spent hours on facebook, or playing games on your cellphone during free times?)

 

Ignoring the thoughts that you need to face in order to make your life better and more pleasing to Allah SWT. 

 

Finding the meaning in your free time allows you to really savor the breaks and prioritize for the future, so that you don’t regret any time lost.

 

For Muna, school was filling up her time.  She loves it, yes, and completely believes her life is tied into it, and all her goals for the future depend on it.  But the fact is, she has another 2 years to go before all is said and done.  And the waiting around for that is starting to make her feel like she isn’t accomplishing anything that matters, that she’s wasting her time.  “How many facial masks can you apply in two weeks?” she asks.  So, she’s resolved to find a new outlet, something that will help her deal with an issue that’s been bothering her for years, in a way that will help others suffering from it as well.  And, Muna has committed to taking a little bit of time each day to practice Protocol 7 (complete with the queen stance walk), so she’s always feeling as fulfilled as she does right now.

 

What will you find with your five minutes?

Harley Davidson and the Sweet Smelling Rose

VROOM!  VROOM! 

Last weekend was the first really nice one of the year and everybody and his sister was out enjoying the weather.  So, there we were in our minivan, on the streets with other families in their minivans, and the sound of summer is suddenly amplified big time. 

The motorcycle sounds boomed. 

There was a whole fleet of them, Harley Davidsons, riding past, one after the other.  And the minivans stopped to watch them pass.  “Hell’s Angels” hinted the insignias on their bikes, and as they rode by, the sun’s glare caught the shiny chrome of their machines.  The riders looked straight ahead, obviously used to the attention, knowing that their notorious reputations preceded them. 

From our trusty Chevrolet Venture, my son added his take on the scene:  “They’re a gang of old bags!”

*****

Getting older is inevitable.  It cannot be stopped, the progression has a life of its own.  The first grey hairs, the second coming of wrinkly skin, the third manifesto of…well, you get the picture.  Maybe it’s the fact that I have another birthday coming up (don’t ask me what number ), but I’ve been thinking about aging and, specifically, how to age gracefully.  I’ve come to a few realizations that I’d like to share because I think that if I knew 15 years ago what I know now, I could have saved myself much time.

#1 – A Harley Davidson is a Harley Davidson

You can’t beat the real deal, and I don’t mean just in worldly possessions.  If you have someone in your life that will really tell you how it is, show them some love.  If you don’t have someone in your life that will really tell you how it is, become that person for yourself and then show yourself some love.

#2 – Input = Output

As much as you put in, as much as you get out.  As much love as you give, as much love as you receive.  If equilibrium is not present, toxicity takes over.  And you definitely don’t want that to happen.

#3 – Energy flows where focus goes, indeed. 

What are your goals?  How are you moving towards them?  How hard are you working to achieve them? If it’s been a long time, then what are you waiting for? Now is the time to just go for what you want!  What if tomorrow never comes?  And the key word here is FOCUS.  Define, then FOCUS, and do, do, do.

#4 – Enjoy the Moment

I still struggle with this one, but instinctively, I know it’s of the utmost importance.  To stop and smell the roses is to appreciate the favors of Allah SWT in your life.  It revives you and makes all your hard work all that much more rewarding.

#5 – Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy

And it has to be one or the other (hopefully the friend).  Don’t let time be an indifferent bystander in your life.

*****
It’s a funny thing about time.  If you don’t seize it, it seizes you. And although I’ve used more than my fair share of cliches and idioms in this piece, it’s all true.  And when we make this realization, when we truly drink from it’s springs, all our relationships, all our actions are irrevocably more efficient.  We can age gracefully with the knowledge that we’ve spent our time in the fulfillment of what Allah SWT has asked of us.  We can age gracefully with the knowledge that we have strived to live up to our lofty goals because the purpose behind them was to the benefit of ourselves, our families, and our communities.  We can age gracefully and earn our wrinkles and our grey hairs with dignity.  And we don’t need to know how to ride a Harley to do so.