Please don’t let Abdullah in on Zainab’s big secret. He would be shattered. It’s something he’s come to know about her, something he believes is integral to who his wife is. If someone were to ask him what he loves most about Zainab, this one thing comes to his mind first.
And in reality, Zainab feels no remorse about deceiving him. The lie has been going on for years, and for the greater good and in the interest of keeping the peace, Zainab keeps perpetrating it.
“It’s not so bad,” she explains, “but if I’m honest I’d say yes, I’d rather not be playing this game anymore.”
She shrugs her shoulders and turns to her baby boy with a beaming smile.
“The real question is: how do I protect this little innocent from cricket?”
Zainab’s husband thinks she loves the game of cricket just as much as he does. She knows all the rules, she jumps when the Delhi Daredevils dominate the Deccan Chargers. Heck, she’s even been known to wield a cricket bat with some skill. But, in the company of her closest friends, the sisters who she knows are really good at keeping secrets, she’ll admit that she hates it. In her own whispered words, she’ll say “cricket is the dumbest game ever!”
Love the One Your With
Unwittingly, Zainab has touched upon a very crucial aspect when it comes to mastering any relationship. She is giving of herself and respecting her husband’s likes and dislikes. Great relationships are built on negotiation. Healthy relationships are built on reciprocation. And Zainab is getting a handle on that, despite how it may seem.
If a life coach were to ask Abdullah what he likes most about his wife, sure Abdullah might mention the cricket, but what is he really trying to say in not so many words? He is saying that he likes the fact that she’s fun-loving, supportive, and a pleasure to be around.
When he breaks it down, he’d also realize that not only is she the woman he loves, but she’s also the one he likes to spend time with. An outing at Majeed’s house with the boys watching the cricket game on a big screen T.V.? That’s fine by him, but really Zainab can whip up some awesome pakoras and gulab jamans. In fact, taking the picnic outdoors where he can enjoy her company and throw around the cricket ball sounds like a much more appealing option to him. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll even take it upon himself to join her for a shopping trip. He hates to shop, but she loves it so much, and he wants to make her as happy as she makes him.
*****
Everybody brings out different things in the people they care about. When we tune into the good things about one another, we develop a sense of commitment and a deeper passion because we’ve given of ourselves. We’ve opened up, and when that opening up is appreciated and held in high-esteem, we are happy. It’s as plain and simple as that. It can even start with a tiny little lie.
Ask yourselves:
1. What do you enjoy about yourself? List ten things.
2. What do you enjoy about your husband? List twenty things.
3. What do I enjoy about the two of us together? List thirty things.
And if you have trouble going down the list – ask, “what can I do today so that tomorrow it’ll be easier to complete the exercise?”
*****
Zainab likes to keep the facade ongoing because she too benefits from the game of cricket. After an especially good result for his favorite teams, Abdullah has been known to do the dishes or take care of the baby while she goes shopping. And there was the one time (when his home team took the top prize in the Indian Premier league finals) that Abdullah insisted on planning a special trip to Niagara Falls (Canada). Zainab recalls that weekend very fondly, “probably because the cricket season was over,” she laughs.
So, she insists, that for as long as she lives in her happy marriage, she won’t admit that she secretly hates cricket to Abdullah, and asks that we keep it safe too. However, she would completely welcome any suggestions on how she can keep her little boy from becoming a cricket fanatic.
