Photo courtesy of Auntie P
I don’t know if it’s written on my teeth or something, but somehow, people can read what I’m passionate about whenever I open my mouth. People I’ve never met before will tell me their stories, ask my advice, and share things of a very personal nature. Mind you, I’m not complaining, it channels my love of gab in a pretty productive way, alhamdullilah. But, it does have my mind working in overdrive, even at times when it shouldn’t be. And the latest dilemma is one I’m hearing more and more frequently, and it touches me because I am a mother as well.
It’s the “we’re losing our youth” dilemma. And although it has been around for long, the dynamics of it are increasingly becoming quite alarming. Some of the stories I’ve heard in just the past week from people who work on the front lines in the youth dawah scene include that of the 15 year old hijabi girl who makes out with boys in movie theatres. Yes, I said hijabi, and yes, she does wear it all the time. There is the 16 year-old brother who has committed to heart half the Quran, leads his classmates in prayers during school days, and is addicted to drugs. There was the sister who declared that her very traditional Muslim bred family is being physically terrorized by their brother, who sees no issue with slapping his own father.
Sad, sad, stories. And putting aside the notion of outstanding, excellent, and good kids- seriously, some of these youth are just barely hanging on.
I ask questions like: what happened? How are you dealing with it? What different strategies have you tried with these youth? And mash Allah, I get great answers. Some of the youth workers, parents, and siblings of such youth have read the right books, used excellent tools, and done all that one would think they should do, but for some, there is a disconnect, and there are some who are falling through the cracks.
And if the issue is that our Muslim youth suffer from peer pressure and the natural inclination to assimilate at that age, then it’s never been easier to be Muslim in a non- Muslim land. Ask me how it was when we were growing up (but not how long ago that was), and I’d tell you that people looked at me like I was an alien when I started wearing hijab. Today, only those who’ve been living under a rock for the last decade or were born yesterday don’t recognize a Muslim when they see one. So, how can this be the problem?
Now, I’m not proposing that I have the ultimate solution, but I’d like to share a conversation I had with one such youth recently. I think the words that I said touched her and by posting them here, I hope to open the discussion on strategies we can use to talk to our own youth, to touch them at the core of their spirituality, and to help save them from the torment of not being close to Allah SWT as they tread their life paths.
Muslim girl: I don’t want to talk my parents anymore. They’re so hard on me.
Heba: Why do you think that is?
Muslim girl: Well, I know that they want the best for me, but it all feels so rigid. And frankly, I can’t bring myself to do what it is they want.
Heba: Can we put aside the issue with your parents for a bit? (She nods) What do you want?
Muslim girl: I want Allah to be pleased with me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks! (side note: You’ll hear this one a lot – and it’s not bad at all – it will actually give you a great ledge from which to speak ).
Heba: You know, Muslim girl (not her real name), by you saying that, I know that you have the makings of a fantastic Muslimah.
(I give her a genuine smile – she knows I care and that I can see the good in her. I feel her warming up – feeling validated. We speak for a bit more- she shares some of her aspirations and I tell her that they sound like they have the potential to be ”very Allah pleasing” ones)
Heba: Before I go, let me tell you my favorite hadith when I was your age. I mean, I memorized this one – applied it to everything in my life. Used it as if it was my only life line when I was sad, celebrated with it when I was happy. I would quote it left, right, and centre!
(the buildup is there – and her heart and ears are with me – I say it in Arabic first because the effect is greater and then I translate it)
Abdullah bin Abbas, RA,said : One day I was behind the Prophet SAW and he said to me:
“Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”
There are many facets to the hadith, but what is useful here, and what I focused on in this case is, “Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you.” The thing is, in Arabic the same word is used: “protect” or “be mindful” . Putting aside that which is lost in translation, what does it mean to protect Allah in your life?
To me, as a youth, it meant to be stringent in making sure that the values dear to my lord were upheld by me. It meant that if I stayed away from the haram, the vices, that Allah would protect me. It meant that if I sought to please Him SWT, that I would be pleased by Him. It meant that whatever hardship I was going through, it would be easy, because He SWT would be there. And if everything I did was measured by how much I was ‘protecting’ Allah in my life, then everything I did would be fabulous.
I’m still waiting to see how much the conversation connected with that young Muslimah, but I can pray that my favorite hadith will inspire and protect her as it did me.
Now,it’s my assumption that you may have all found yourself or people you know in similar situations. What do you use to inspire young people living in turmoil? What would you recommend?
And please don’t say: “lock them in a room until they’re 30″.
Although, that one sounds like it might work 
