I have two daughters with two distinct ways of eating their eggs. One will only eat them boiled (and it must be done perfectly – not runny nor dry); the other only fried (an omelet with cheese is her favorite). As you can imagine, satisfying the two without making a big mess in the kitchen can be a hassle. Each ‘egg breakfast’ morning, a debate ensues – I’m trying to get them to reach an agreement (maybe today both can have boiled and tomorrow fried) and they`re trying to get what they want (NO!). Suffice it to say I never win and please don’t call me on the fact that there are ALWAYS dishes in my sink.
The irony of food analogies in Ramadan (and while starvation is booming in the horn of Africa) is not lost on me, but bear with me. You see, the struggle for `getting what we want` is something that all can appreciate, but few really APPRECIATE. Of course, the issue isn’t just about eggs – it goes much deeper. Sometimes its about making sure a dead-beat dad supports his children or a leader of a country stops oppressing his people or..or..or. Somebody once said that “anything worth having is worth fighting for.” And Corey Hart once sang “You can never surrender” (yes, I’m kind of old like that!). The prophet Muhammad SAW taught us this supplication:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
‘O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men.’
I don’t think that Allah wants us to be weak and accommodating so much so that we turn away from the essence of what is important. And yet, we see it all the time. We take garbage all the time and while flexibility is nice and be accommodating is nice – where does it end? Also nice is sticking up for ourselves and all that we hold dear.
I’m youth, I’m joy, I’m a little bird that has broken out of the egg – James M. Barrie
For the most part, children seem to do it all right – at least with the ones they love and feel safe with. But then something happens along the way. Why do they start eating boiled eggs when they want to eat fried? Why do they stop speaking up about their preferences? Why do we take on the mentality of the enslaved – rather than being slaves of Allah alone?
I thought about these questions today- trying to be patient with the egg dilemma -and surmised that maybe someone along the line forces children to eat what they do not want to eat and, in doing so, squashes their desire to choose to be stronger. And maybe I shouldn’t be the one to do that with my daughters. I choose to not do that to my daughters.
This is my long-winded explanation for why I have too many dirty dishes - and why I’m okay with it. Besides, I’ve thought up a solution: I’m sure both girls will agree to eggs made of pure chocolate 
JazakAllah khair for sharing this beautiful reflection upon the egg
)
I have one question. There are time in life when one must surrender, of course to Allah and His Deen is the biggest and most important surrender of all. Isn’t that what being grown-up is all about? Being responsible enough to know when to surrender, and when to remain strong in getting what we want?
Fighting for what one wants, at a certain point, isn’t that a product of an instantly gratifying society?
I bring these points up b/c, esp. after marriage, I feel like struggling to do/get what I want [even if it's halal, etc.] takes away from the responsibilities that Allah has put upon me, and so I surrender to some of my dreams, give up on the omelet, and settle with the boiled egg, trying to console my heart that this is what Allah would want me to do.
How do I deal with the consequences of striving hard for that omelet? and, how do get my heart not to resent itself for surrendering at the same time?
Waiyakum Nazihah.
I think you might have inspired another post
Here’s how I see it (and I’m saying so with humility – I could be totally wrong): Instant gratification is an ill in our time – we can’t seem to wait for anything and sadly, the more we have, the less satisfied we are. But, there’s also, wisdom in having a “I will stand up for what I want” attitude so long as it stays within the confines of what is, as you’ve said, the ‘halal’. Allah puts responsibilites on us – indeed, we are all shepards, but I don’t think that this means we have to shirk our duties to self. How can you make others happy if you aren’t happy yourself? I’ll give you an example to clarify: Consider a married couple with blatant “irreconcilable differences” that stay together for their children or because they think that that is what “Allah wants them to do.” Allah knows best, but I don’t think He wants them to tramautize their children and abandon hope of happiness – and astagfurullah, maybe even resentment might build up. Now there are probably problems there – and I’m not saying the husband is at fault more than the wife (or vice versa) – or that they might benefit from some sort of counselling. But how can they get to that point if one of them doesn’t first own up to the fact that there is a problem and that it has to be dealt with?
And this is an extreme example – we tend to create hardship for ourselves by overthinking the situation. There is compromise. And you don’t have to resent your choices or your sacrifices so long as you strive for good. You have to ask for what you want clearly and negotiate a settlement or compromise to get it. And Allah knows best. I can think of a few examples – but I think this response is long enough. InshaAllah, I’ll put it on my list for post ideas so that we can explore it further. Thanks for the question
Mashallah, very cute post! I definitely understand what you are going through. I’m the one that’s always forced to feed my younger brothers and this almost always proves to be a challenge because they are so picky and when I try to tell them that they should just be grateful to Allah for whatever food they have because they are people starving in other countries, but this rarely works!
Yasmin, when I say that, they`re like “well, then send them this food!“
Welcome back Heba! Missed you.
Please answer Naziha’s question as I have heard so many women ask that same questions. We all want to know your response.
Hugs.
Hugs back at you Atiyya! And how are things with you?
I know this feeling. Often when telling my own children “no” there is this battle of the wills. At times it has left me wondering about my own early development and if I should have heard “yes” more. Our minds are very suggestive-especially at such a young age. We are born into this world being shaped and molded by our many teachers and it’s impact is far reaching.
So true, Janan!