We’ve Moved!

Salam Alaykum sisters of my heart

InshAllah, I’ve been really wanting to make iamsheba.com something lovely to look at   And I’ve struggled to do that.

But alhamdullilah, I think I got it – with the help of a few fabulous sisters (who’ll soon be featured there inshAllah )

Please update your feeds, your bookmarks, and share with your aspiring queens of sheba the direct url:

iamsheba.com

I’d love to hear what you think too inshAllah

May Allah SWT put much blessings in all that you do!

All the best,

Heba

Is that Wonder Woman Pretending to be the Queen of Sheba?

Do you like the edited title of this post?  For all you eager sisters (already releasing your i.am.sheba strength, I’m sure) – it’s a chapter from the book  

So, I’ve been asking sisters this question “What does releasing your inner queen of sheba mean to you?”

Here are some of the answers:

“I can see Sheba’s strength in her conviction to keep moving and improving!”

“It’s about freeing myself from the shackles that weigh me down.”

“Me.  Only better.”

“Confidence!  Releasing my Inner Queen of Sheba gives me that.”

“Here I go!  I feel connected with everything that’s bubbling inside of me, all my dreams.”

“The most powerful part of releasing my inner queen of sheba is the power of now.  You know how when you have a goal and think ‘I’ll start tomorrow,’ and tomorrow never seems to come?  When I allow the queen of sheba drive inside of me to reign supreme, she doesn’t know procrastination.  She wants to act NOW.  And she always gets her way, even in the small hours of the night, she just doesn’t want to wait.” 

“Inspired, energized, as if nothing can bring me down.  As the Queen of Sheba, all I have to do is jump over the hurdles, but I also know when to walk cautiously through them to.  Does that make sense?”

It makes sense to me. 

I want to hear from you to, my dear sisters :) 

What does releasing YOUR inner queen of sheba represent to YOU?

The Queen of Sheba Tightens her Belt: 7 Strategies for Today’s Financial Times

If you’ve been hurt at all by the money crisis, my condolences.  Having security in this part of your life is so real, may Allah SWT ease  your burden and show you a way out from places you least expect it.  Ameen

I’m not a financial expert, but I have some strategies I learned from my mom, may Allah SWT preserve her and give her all that is good in this life and the next.  She always taught me that the maintenance of a household will fall on the savvy woman of that house and the best way to do that is, to directly quote her,  by “CUTTING THE OVERHEAD!”

So, here they are, the strategies to help you, the savvy Queen of Sheba weather the financial storm inshAllah.

#1 – Home is where the Food Is

The burden of eating out is a large one, especially if you have a big family to feed.  But, I know the lure of McDonalds fish burgers when you’re busy and your children love the taste.  My solution is to really plan dinners on a weekly basis- and to actually include ‘junk food’ days.   I grocery shop once a week with a very thorough list – knowing what’s needed for each dinner day.  I’ll get frozen fries and fish fillets, and all the fixings – and make it myself. 

The children know it tastes better than McDonalds – the hands that made it were washed (health scares at restaurants are all over the place, I stress to them), they can eat as much as they want -the happy meal barely covers my 2 year old and I’ve saved over half the money I would have spent. 

The same goes for more expensive restaurants too.  The secret is in providing the variety they want and great planning on my part.  BTW, this site is my favorite;  allrecipes.com because you can enter an ingredient, sort by rating, and make 5 star recipes all the time.

#2 – Do I really need that?  Abstinence is a good thing.

When it comes to spending money, separating needs from wants is a good thing.   You’ve heard this before, I know.  But really believing it, and being happy with your decision to not waste your money is a conscious thing that won’t have you feeling deprived.  Check out my example:

For years, I’ve been wanting a KitchenAid – if you don’t know what it is, it’s basically a standing mixer.  It usually costs almost $400, but it’s been on sale for $250 for the last few weeks.  Is is time to buy for me?  When I sat down to think about it, I realized it does what my $25 hand held mixer already does with just a little less effort.  $25 or $250?  I don’t need to be out the higher amount, even if it’s on sale.  And honestly, am I running a bakery here?  I just get one of my children to hold the hand held, and it’s all good. 

Let me take this opportunity to apologize to all the single sisters for the kitchen analogies (I’ll try to do better on the next one.)

#3 – The Queen of Sheba goes Green

Is that better, dear single sisters?  Not only is being more aware of our environment good for our environment, but it will allow us to save money too. 

Letting the water run when your washing the dishes?  Not good.  Using hot water to wash your son’s post workout gym clothes?  I know it might take more soap, but… Have all the lights on at once?  Try only one.  The 3 R’s – reduce, reuse, and recycle are just begging for you to get creative with.

The ways to go green are plentiful, alhamdullilah.  A quick google search will show countless ways – so how will you implement some today?

#4 – Public transportation rocks!!  I think…

My daughters love getting on the train, mashAllah.  It’s fun for them.  They go to cool places, see nice things, get smiles from kind old ladies, and… I’m sure they could add to the list.

But I hate it.  Asking myself why this is and challenging my thoughts can actually get me in the right mode to embrace public transportation, and save me some money. 

I met someone on the bus who said that she rides because she feels like filling up her car’s gas tank is showing support for all that is unjust in this world.  And if you put it that way….

#5 – Cheap thrills!!!

They say the best things in life are free.  And thinking back, what are the moments you enjoyed the most?  A walk in the park with someone you love?  Playing tag with a good friend?  Your baby’s first ‘mama’ or smile?  The beauty of a rainbow or the sunset over the lake?

Get creative.  Plan a vacation in your living room – or a party in the park – or a post Ramadhan sleepover with your friends.  What can you think of?

I’ve said it before and here it is again:  Happy people ‘rig’ their lives so that joy can find ways to enter.  And cheap thrills can be a part of that.  Taking the time to step back, smell the fresh air, be present and enjoy the moment is what makes you feel connected to what matters.  Knowing that everything is going to be good, that the mercy of Allah SWT encompasses all, is knowing the thrills of life.  And that is completely free.

#6 – Curse the Credit Card!

Not to go into the Islamic laws in regard to this one, but really credit cards are the curse of our day and age.  That’s what the crisis of today boils down to, doesn’t it?

I only use mine for identification purposes, and recurring bills – and you never want to do this last one.  Trust me, I’ve been burned.  Just try stopping automatic payments with your credit card company and see what I mean.  They won’t be on your side, despite it being your name on the card. 

My mom taught me that if you have the cash, you can afford it.  If you don’t, you can’t.  Do without.  If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you fatter   Debit is good, credit cards need to be thrown in the trash – but watch out for identity thieves. 

#7 – Release Your Inner Entrepreneurial Queen!

You may have heard me talk about the ’samoosa lady’, a friend of mine who was able to harness her talent for making incredibly good samoosas, into a side business that had her living her dream much earlier than expected. 

Where do your talents lie?  How can you get creative and use them to generate income?  What’s your business plan?  Be your own best business coach and come up with a nitty gritty plan of action and then follow through.  Do what needs to be done.  And keep doing it!

The tawfique is, first and foremost, from Allah SWT.  Having strategies that will help you, your family, and community to survive and thrive is part of doing your part.

I pray this was helpful.

What are your secrets and strategies?  Perhaps you can help someone else…

How about we turn this into a potluck (another saving option that is lots of fun too :))…

Abdullah and Zainab Go to the Ballpark!

Please don’t let Abdullah in on Zainab’s big secret.  He would be shattered.  It’s something he’s come to know about her, something he believes is integral to who his wife is.  If someone were to ask him what he loves most about Zainab, this one thing comes to his mind first. 

And in reality, Zainab feels no remorse about deceiving him.  The lie has been going on for years, and for the greater good and in the interest of keeping the peace, Zainab keeps perpetrating it. 

“It’s not so bad,” she explains, “but if I’m honest I’d say yes, I’d rather not be playing this game anymore.” 
She shrugs her shoulders and turns to her baby boy with a beaming smile. 
“The real question is:  how do I protect this little innocent from cricket?”

Zainab’s husband thinks she loves the game of cricket just as much as he does.  She knows all the rules, she jumps when the Delhi Daredevils dominate the Deccan Chargers.  Heck, she’s even been known to wield a cricket bat with some skill.  But, in the company of her closest friends, the sisters who she knows are really good at keeping secrets, she’ll admit that she hates it.  In her own whispered words, she’ll say “cricket is the dumbest game ever!”

Love the One Your With

Unwittingly, Zainab has touched upon a very crucial aspect when it comes to mastering any relationship.  She is giving of herself and respecting her husband’s likes and dislikes.  Great relationships are built on negotiation.  Healthy relationships are built on reciprocation.  And Zainab is getting a handle on that, despite how it may seem.

If a life coach were to ask Abdullah what he likes most about his wife, sure Abdullah might mention the cricket, but what is he really trying to say in not so many words?  He is saying that he likes the fact that she’s fun-loving, supportive, and a pleasure to be around. 

When he breaks it down, he’d also realize that not only is she the woman he loves, but she’s also the one he likes to spend time with.  An outing at Majeed’s house with the boys watching the cricket game on a big screen T.V.?  That’s fine by him, but really Zainab can whip up some awesome pakoras and gulab jamans.  In fact, taking the picnic outdoors where he can enjoy her company and throw around the cricket ball sounds like a much more appealing option to him.  And maybe, just maybe, he’ll even take it upon himself to join her for a shopping trip.  He hates to shop, but she loves it so much, and he wants to make her as happy as she makes him.

*****

Everybody brings out different things in the people they care about.  When we tune into the good things about one another, we develop a sense of commitment and a deeper passion because we’ve given of ourselves.  We’ve opened up, and when that opening up is appreciated and held in high-esteem, we are happy.  It’s as plain and simple as that.  It can even start with a tiny little lie.

Ask yourselves: 

1.  What do you enjoy about yourself?  List ten things.
2.  What do you enjoy about your husband?  List twenty things.
3.  What do I enjoy about the two of us together?  List thirty things.

And if you have trouble going down the list – ask, “what can I do today so that tomorrow it’ll be easier to complete the exercise?”

*****

Zainab likes to keep the facade ongoing because she too benefits from the game of cricket.  After an especially good result for his favorite teams, Abdullah has been known to do the dishes or take care of the baby while she goes shopping.  And there was the one time (when his home team took the top prize in the Indian Premier league finals) that Abdullah insisted on planning a special trip to Niagara Falls (Canada).  Zainab recalls that weekend very fondly, “probably because the cricket season was over,” she laughs.

So, she insists, that for as long as she lives in her happy marriage, she won’t admit that she secretly hates cricket to Abdullah, and asks that we keep it safe too.  However, she would completely welcome any suggestions on how she can keep her little boy from becoming a cricket fanatic.

Eid Kareem! Eid Mubarak! Eid Sa’eed! Kullu ‘am wantum bee Khayr…Now, let us feast!

The first eid I spent with my husband was almost a disaster!  For me, Eid meant going out and having fun.  For him, it meant staying home and congratulating everyone on the auspicious occasion.  And guess who won?  Yes, this queen of sheba does have a king

But it was the symbolism of Eid that brought us together at the end of the day and the idea that “for every people there is a feast, and this is our feast” (Bukhari).  Having the ability to feast and enjoy the process is indicitve of a healthy life that is rigged to let in happiness.  It’s what Allah SWT wants for us and that’s why HE SWT has decreed it.

I had an aunt who insisted that everyone in the family gather on Eid nights to eat Macarona bil bechamel.  My husband’s aunt loved to make hundreds of cookies that she would distribute to all the children who passed her on Eid.  My father ate peanuts with his family. 

Where does the nostalgia hit home for you?  And if this is your first ‘real’ Eid, what traditions will you create?

At the beginning of Ramadhan, I asked some:  how will you honor this month?  And the answers were really inspiring for me personally, mashallah! 

Now, as the Eid is upon us, I wonder:  What incredible feasting traditions do you have in your family?  And how will you celebrate them with a gusto befitting of those whose hearts are filled with piety?

“And whosoever honours the Symbols of Allah, then it is truly from the piety of the heart. (AlHajj: 32)”

My dear sister, please give yourself a hug from me and:

“Taqabal Allah mina wa minkum,”  May Allah accept from me and you.

Eid Mubarak habibti!  Enjoy the celebration

Heba

What I did this Summer…On Listening with Your Heart

When I was about 8 years old, I went to a camp for Muslim youth.  I was younger than everybody else and felt really out of place.  I was being ignored, and could’t connect with even a single friend.   After crying myself to sleep on the first day, I decided that this wasn’t going to work.  I wanted to go home!  But I had no idea how to get there.

So, what do you think I did?  I did nothing but sulk. 

But then a camp counsellor noticed and asked me if I was okay.  She said it in a way that made me tell her my story.  And she was the sweetest camp counsellor, may Allah SWT bless her wherever she may be.  She listened, and I knew she cared.   

And only when I was ready to take her advice did she gave me strategies to cope, and promise that she’d take me under her wing.  And if I still wanted to go home, she’d drive me herself.

Needless to say, she made it easy for me.  My 8 year old self felt so blessed.  And I was happy, for the entire duration of that camp.  Yes, I stayed.

InshAllah, me, you, and camp counsellors everywhere would do well to follow her example in order to exercise our heart’s capacity for compassion. 

This is what she did:

1.  She listened to my story. 

Plain and simple.  Most people would welcome the chance to share.  They may need some prodding though.  Consider this scenario:

Sahar: How are you?

Maryam:  Fine, alhamdullilah.

Sahar:  Alhamdullilah.  Really, how are you?

Maryam: well…. (you can fill in the story)

Its that easy inshAllah.

And when our hearts just listen with compassion, it makes us more able to offer hope to others.   And makes them more willing to take what we offer.

Maybe it’s your neighbour who’s just come back from the doctor’s office with bad news.  Maybe it’s a dear friend who just failed her mid term exam.  Maybe it’s your son, who just brought home a frog from his day at the park.  Maybe it’s a young girl in the youth halaqa or camp who doesn’t have friends. 

Whose story will you listen to today?

Harley Davidson and the Sweet Smelling Rose

VROOM!  VROOM! 

Last weekend was the first really nice one of the year and everybody and his sister was out enjoying the weather.  So, there we were in our minivan, on the streets with other families in their minivans, and the sound of summer is suddenly amplified big time. 

The motorcycle sounds boomed. 

There was a whole fleet of them, Harley Davidsons, riding past, one after the other.  And the minivans stopped to watch them pass.  “Hell’s Angels” hinted the insignias on their bikes, and as they rode by, the sun’s glare caught the shiny chrome of their machines.  The riders looked straight ahead, obviously used to the attention, knowing that their notorious reputations preceded them. 

From our trusty Chevrolet Venture, my son added his take on the scene:  “They’re a gang of old bags!”

*****

Getting older is inevitable.  It cannot be stopped, the progression has a life of its own.  The first grey hairs, the second coming of wrinkly skin, the third manifesto of…well, you get the picture.  Maybe it’s the fact that I have another birthday coming up (don’t ask me what number ), but I’ve been thinking about aging and, specifically, how to age gracefully.  I’ve come to a few realizations that I’d like to share because I think that if I knew 15 years ago what I know now, I could have saved myself much time.

#1 – A Harley Davidson is a Harley Davidson

You can’t beat the real deal, and I don’t mean just in worldly possessions.  If you have someone in your life that will really tell you how it is, show them some love.  If you don’t have someone in your life that will really tell you how it is, become that person for yourself and then show yourself some love.

#2 – Input = Output

As much as you put in, as much as you get out.  As much love as you give, as much love as you receive.  If equilibrium is not present, toxicity takes over.  And you definitely don’t want that to happen.

#3 – Energy flows where focus goes, indeed. 

What are your goals?  How are you moving towards them?  How hard are you working to achieve them? If it’s been a long time, then what are you waiting for? Now is the time to just go for what you want!  What if tomorrow never comes?  And the key word here is FOCUS.  Define, then FOCUS, and do, do, do.

#4 – Enjoy the Moment

I still struggle with this one, but instinctively, I know it’s of the utmost importance.  To stop and smell the roses is to appreciate the favors of Allah SWT in your life.  It revives you and makes all your hard work all that much more rewarding.

#5 – Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy

And it has to be one or the other (hopefully the friend).  Don’t let time be an indifferent bystander in your life.

*****
It’s a funny thing about time.  If you don’t seize it, it seizes you. And although I’ve used more than my fair share of cliches and idioms in this piece, it’s all true.  And when we make this realization, when we truly drink from it’s springs, all our relationships, all our actions are irrevocably more efficient.  We can age gracefully with the knowledge that we’ve spent our time in the fulfillment of what Allah SWT has asked of us.  We can age gracefully with the knowledge that we have strived to live up to our lofty goals because the purpose behind them was to the benefit of ourselves, our families, and our communities.  We can age gracefully and earn our wrinkles and our grey hairs with dignity.  And we don’t need to know how to ride a Harley to do so.

Underestimating Hajar

Ya Allah!  All alone – barren land, no food or drink in sight.  No human life in sight.   A desert.  A desert valley without plants.  Ya Allah!

And in her arms lies a baby boy.  And her husband is turning away, abandoning her.  He doesn’t want to look back.  Ya Allah! 

And she asks him, “did Allah order you to do this?” And when Ibrahim AS replies in the affirmative, her back straightens.  “Then HE will not forsake us.”  Ya Allah!

Hajar, may Allah be pleased with her, knew what to think so that she wouldn’t be crippled.  She knew what to think so that she wouldn’t succumb to the desperation of her situation.  She knew where to place her trust.  Ya Allah!

We read the story of how the ZamZam water came to be, we wait for the day to run from Safa and Marwa in Hajj time, we trace our lineage to her son, but my dear sisters, we also underestimate the fortitude and sheer guts she showed on that day so long ago.

And I speak to sisters today who struggle with decisions that need to be made because they are afraid that their needs won’t be met.  And what if they could focus on their abilities instead?  And what if they could learn a lesson or two from Hajar? 

And what if they could completely place their trust in their Sustainer and said:  Ya Allah!

Release Your Inner Queen of Sheba this Friday!

 

Salam Alaykum sisters,

By the grace of Allah SWT, I am happy to present to you:

Release Your Inner Queen of Sheba – the PowerWorkShop!

Date: Friday, August 29, 2008
Time: 6:30 pm – 9:30 pm
Where: 1130 Bahen Centre, St. George Campus, University of Toronto

$10

Tickets are being sold around Toronto – but can be purchased at the door, just register at iamsheba@discoverulife.com

From the official advertisement:

In this one of a kind Powerworkshop, you will be taught how to:

->transform your limiting beliefs
->decipher what motivates YOU
->live your life brilliantly on every level
->develop your vision and purpose
->commit to your goals and set deadlines to achieve them
->rid yourself of the baggage that holds you back
->tackle time restraints with a hard-core plan of action
->identify and align your passions so that you have abundance

Using powerful group discussions, personal coaching, fun interactive exercises, and dramatic examples of success, you will be guided in the most effective methods to attain all that you want from your life. You will learn how to take back control and nothing will ever be the same again!

Our Muslim role models have left us an example of strength and accomplishment.

Women like Bilqis, Khadijah and Aisha.

Has not the time arrived for us to take on the torch of their shining examples?

May Allah SWT put much barakah in all that you do!

Muslim Girls Wanna Have Fun!

This past week was the DiscoverULife certification (you can read my short article about it here – just trying to practice my writing range ) and it was such a phenomenal experience to be able to bond with so many fabulous Muslimahs, mashAllah!  Because I had to take the train home afterwards, I felt like I really missed out on their add on late nights hanging out, eating (I have a sudden obsession to try out Rich Tree – lol) and gossiping- you know in a halal “girls wanna have fun” style.  

I know they had a blast and I know that there is nothing wrong with having some fun with your fellow Muslim sisters.  I know this because of this hadith, which has so many lessons in it (you know you want a post on the whole ”which husband is mine” dilemna and AWWW, wasn’t Um Zar the sweetest :)) -

BUT today’s lesson is all about the girls, the gossip session, and the fun behind it.  They were 11 very poetic women, mashAllah, who clearly enjoyed being in the company of other such women and I think we can all appreciate that. 

Narrated  Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands.

The first one said, “My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it.”

The second one said, “I shall not relate my husband’s news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits.”

The third one said, “My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife.”

The fourth one said, “My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him.”

The fifth one said, “My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house.”

The sixth one said, “If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along).”

The seventh one said, “My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both.”

The eighth one said, “My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass).”

The ninth one said, “My husband is a tall, generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him.”

The tenth one said, “My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests.”

The eleventh one said, “My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband’s other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house.”

The eleventh lady added, “One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, ‘Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives.” She added, “Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar’s.”

Aisha then said: Allah’s Apostle said to me, “I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar.”