I recently read a book about a woman who feels disappointed with the life she’s living, despite the fact that her life measured high by today’s standards. Her husband was loving and gainfully employed. She was a mother to a healthy toddler and she had enough time on her hands to pursue whatever she wanted to pursue. But she isn’t happy. She’s too preoccupied with her past, thinking that maybe she married the wrong guy, gave up on her blossoming career too soon, and let go of all the ambitions and dreams that she’d held onto since childhood.
It’s a story I’ve heard many times, from people around the world, who, for whatever reason, aren’t happy with the life they have right now and are filled with resentment. They don’t see a way out.
In the book, her regrets lead her to a masseuse whose handiwork (meant to relieve the woman’s stress) sends her back 5 years in the past, before she married, before she had her daughter, and before she’d given up her blossoming career for her present life. Given the chance, what would she change? Knowing what she knows the future will hold, what would she do differently?
The book actually has a ridiculous premise, but at the same time it’s a worthy one. And lest you think I’m writing a book review here, please note that I am not. Reading can be considered part of my job requirement and sometimes a book is good, sometimes it’s an utter waste of time. While this one might fall in the latter category – there were some nuggets of insight that I walked away with and that I’d like to share with you, especially if you can empathize with the people that can empathize with the heroine.
There’s a popular saying that states that “happiness is not having what you want, but it’s wanting what you have.” While the idea of contentment and being pleased with your life has its roots in a Muslim lifestyle, so does setting goals and pursuing a better life. Growth is good.
But how can the idea of being content mesh with the idea of pursuing something better? They might seem contradictory – but I have a bit of a guideline for you:
When you set goal for yourself, make sure they come from a place of abundance.
On your personal goal list, you should include the things they want and already have. For example, if the heroine in the book I read had thought I want a spectacular relationship with my husband. I already have this and I want it. I want it from a place of abundance and the wanting feels good. She might have been able to appreciate her relationship more and the result might have been a stronger marriage. She might have thought that indeed I have all this free time on my hands and I had such a budding career, how can I harness this so that even though I might not be able to work in the same company I’d previously worked in, how can I harness the resources around me (and my new found motherly wisdom) so that I’d still be a factor in my chosen career path?
Wanting is an amazing, inspiring, wonderful thing when we want from a place of abundance. It can be exciting and energizing to think about what we want for our lives. It opens us up to our own growth and creativity to set big goals and cultivate the new thinking required to achieve them.
Wanting is what keeps life moving forward in a positive way, but it‘s also about feeling gratitude for what we have now and for where we are now that makes all this possible.
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah SWT be pleased with him narrates that the Prophet Muhammad SAW has said: “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Guard over that which benefits you, seek Allaah’s Assistance, don’t lend yourself to things devoid of benefit. If something befalls you, then don’t say ‘If I only would have done such and such,’ rather say, ‘Qaddarallaahu wa maa shaa’ fa’al’ (Allaah ordained (this) and He does what He wills), for verily the phrase ‘If I would have’ makes way for the work of the devil (shaytan).” (Hadith Muslim)
Before I’d finished the book, I knew how it would end. I knew that the heroine would come to the conclusion that her current life was the best possible one. There are no do-overs, no going back in time, only forgiveness and the decision to be stronger now. She had to grow and set new goals because the goodness in her (despite her initial weakness) would make her see this. I knew the ending because I’d lived the story and seen it unfold in the lives of other sisters many times before. Wanting what we have now is how we get what we want for always. And Allah knows best.
Masha Allah. I didn’t Tawakkul Karman’s name two days ago – but she’s serving as such an inspiration now: Muslim. Woman. Fittingly (even the name matches) doing what she can and surrendering her trust to her Creator. It`s nice to see the world acknowledging her tireless efforts. May she stand as a representative for all the women like her doing what they can for the benefit of all – we might not know all their names and we may never hear them, but they are there. Sisters of us all.
I mean, buy the 
